Some people believe that writing their own vows make them more personal, but others wouldn’t even believe the marriage would be official without traditional vows. You may not be a religious person. If not, you should read over the vows your officiant uses. Pay attention to how those vows make you feel. Do they leave you feeling dull and flat or do they make several emotions well up inside you. That should help you decide how to proceed.

In more modern times, more couples are choosing to have their vows modified in order to get rid of language that may seem sexist. Sometimes to make the vows more real to them couples will revise the language to give it a more contemporary feel. One of the main things couples usually change first is having the officiant declare them as “husband and wife” as opposed to “man and wife”. Also, sometimes women prefer not to be “given away” and ask to have these words left out.

If you decide to write your own vows you should rely on the many resources in a bookstore or library. You shouldn’t fly blind. You will find various books full of detailed guidelines and samples to help you with this task. Remember that if a member of the clergy marries you, you will need to have your vows approved in advance.