Wedding Thank You Notes

There is one wedding custom on which everyone agrees: Every gift must be acknowledged with a personal, hand-written thank-you note. Traditionally brides wrote the thank-you notes, but today, many couples divide the duties (you might each write notes to your own friends or parents’ friends). There are two common formats for thank-you cards: a stiff 5-by-7-inch card on which you can write on both sides, or an “informal,” small fold-over card, typically 4 by 5 inches. Remember, acknowledgements sent before the ceremony can be written on stationery bearing the bride’s maiden name or monogram; formal notes sent after the wedding may carry the couple’s names or new monogram. You may choose paper that contrasts with the wedding invitation, eschewing the usual ecru or white paper for something colorful. This is acceptable as long as your writing can be clearly read against the background – blue or black ink works best.

The right paper and pen might make your notes beautiful, but it’s what you write that will make them meaningful. The salutation (”Dear…”) should always be followed by a comma, not a colon, in a handwritten note. Three or four sentences is plenty as long as they are personal and reflect your relationship with the giver. Include a specific mention of the gift, why you like it, and how you plan to use it: “What beautiful wineglasses you sent! They will be a lovely addition to our table, and we hope you’ll come over for dinner soon and enjoy them with us. And thanks so much for being part of our wedding day.” The words “thank-you” usually go in the first sentence, although they can stand on their own at the end of the note. The note may be signed only by the author, or you may each sign in your own hand if you like. Just make sure that whoever is writing is representing both of you.

Ideally, gifts that arrive before the ceremony should be acknowledged with two weeks. For gifts sent afterward, you have two to three months to complete the job. It’s easy to let a backlog accumulate. It helps to establish a system for keeping track of the presents you receive and of who gave what. One solution is that you might want to keep an index-card file or annotate the gift cards themselves. Wedding gifts will begin to arrive soon after you announce your engagement, so be prepared.